【树洞账号发心事】这样的准闺蜜是不是该远离?还有关于女生的友情

最近不少关于友情的贴,也说说我和A女B女的故事吧。

和A, B是一起认识的,初识就感觉几个女孩子都很合得来,小惊喜,感觉很不容易遇到投缘的,准备好好相处,往闺蜜发展,但慢慢发现A的一个特点,让我动摇了。

她和B早已经是好几年的闺蜜死党,但刚认识不久的时候,A就把B的一个隐私和我说了。我当时有一点惊讶,当时第一瞬间内心的OS就是:人家的隐私,你就这样告诉我,好么?但新认识的朋友你就容易把她往好了想,何况都很谈得来,马上心里就帮A解释,想也许A就是心直口快的类型,也许她是信任我才和我说,也许B很大方,根本就不把这当隐私。隐私是什么类型的呢,就是站在择偶角度,一个男生如果知道B的这点,选择她的机会就会减少。
我一直装着不知道,后来是过了好一阵子,和B单独相处的时候我婉转的问她,她同我透露的,连本人的态度都蛮大方,所以我就更觉得A那次完全不用在意,大家继续一起聚会吃饭逛街看电影种种。

但后来另一件事,让人觉得有点过了。
聚会多了,也认识了A,B的一些其他朋友。有一女C,是A认识好几年的朋友。有一次和A单独聊天,她就那样自然的把C的一个隐私同我说了。这个比B的那个要严重,绝对是一个人不愿意回首的回忆。

而且细心观察,发现A总是喜欢谈论周围人的缺点,我保证我的缺点肯定被她添油加醋的和别人渲染了。
都说听一个人在你面前如何说别人,能看得出这个人是一个怎样的人。慢慢就没有动力去继续发展和A的友情了,虽然觉得B是特别好的女孩是个难得的朋友,但A,B住的近,总是在一起的。只好都淡化了。其实大家都在一起玩的时候还是很开心的,但不觉得她走心,同时直觉告诉我A是属于小人型的,得罪不得。

想起我的一个闺蜜的秘密,我为她守口如瓶十几年一直到现在,在友情上我都算是宁缺毋滥的人,重感情,走心的,或许就不适合和A这样的人做朋友吧。
jms如果你是我,会怎样做呢?


很多人说女生的友情脆弱到可以瞬间变化,例如以前都很像,但突然一方职业有了好发展,或者交了男友结婚之类的,另一方由于醋意而疏远。遗憾,但这样也让我们看出哪些才是真心为你的幸福而高兴,为你的烦恼而提出理性建议的真正闺蜜吧。有类似经历的mm吗?

而且细心观察,发现A总是喜欢谈论周围人的缺点,我保证我的缺点肯定被她添油加醋的和别人渲染了 – 你不傻

你的感觉是正确的, 这类人不适合做闺蜜, 甚至都不适合做朋友

果断远离吧,这样的人放身边就是祸害

Keep distance with A firmly.

在一起开心就好,何必想那么多。

如果有什么事情你认为是你的秘密,那就别对任何人说,把秘密告诉朋友又不让朋友说这完全是增加朋友的心理负担。

既然你觉得是B的秘密那你听完就完了,怎么还去问B你这不是让B知道A没有保守秘密吗。

What is wrong with a friend who likes gossiping? You can get a lot of information.

我是为了保护A所以假装着没人告诉过我,以自己的方式问B的。所以B会认为是她自己告诉我的而不是A提前透露的。

女人闺蜜之间的一个很重要的部分就是分享不愿和大多数人说的心事啊。

A是绝对不能当好朋友,就连一般朋友都最好不要当,她喜欢在你面前说其她女生的私人秘密,LZ的秘密自然也会在别人面前被A揭露啊!!!

我单位一个女同事也这样,跟说说了很多别人的隐私,坏话,有的是她很好的朋友。让你觉得她很相信你的样子,但其实她就这样喜欢搅和。她人漂亮,老公特别有钱,根本不用工作的。她其实是很享受揭别人疮疤的过程。最近一件事情她终于开始背后说我的坏话,我现在中饭都不想跟她吃。因为我犯了一个小错误,她无限制扩大。的确是她怎么说别人坏话的,她也这么说你的坏话。但是不明白这样的人为什么好像人缘很好的样子,好像很多朋友。虽然她说过每一个人的坏话,但是照样一起吃饭,一起玩。

搞不好A和别人说你的事呢…

见过这类人, LZ就把她当酒肉朋友好了, 不要给真心, 更不要告诉她你的私事。 但是也不要刻意疏远她, 保持距离就好了, 因为你不知道这种人你要是得罪了, 她会在外面怎么给你编故事。

敢说出口就别怕被传播,隐私没人知晓,你说的都是平日事态,根本不足以挂齿。

做吃喝玩乐的朋友就行了

女人闺蜜在一起不就是gossiping吗?:cn15: :lol

Is gossiping actually a good thing?

Gossiping is a good thing? That’s what these psychologists are saying today. My parents always told me to never gossip or talk about anyone behind their back. Doing that is just a waste of time and energy when you can just say it to their face. Psychologists are saying something way different than what my parents taught me.

Studies are finding that gossip is actually good for you in a sense and it isn’t always a bad thing. A study called “The Virtues of Gossip,” , found that gossip can play the role of protecting others from being exploited by passing on information about bad behavior to warn others. A man , who is a postdoctoral student at Stanford, named Matthew Feinberg said if you tell people that a person is a jerk, then people learn to avoid this person. This is what http://www.nytimes.com/2012/06/16/your-money/studies-find-gossip-isnt-just-loose-talk.html?pagewanted=all&module=Search&mabReward=relbias%3As%2C%7B%222%22%3A%22RI%3A15%22%7D says.

Also, a professor named Professor Willer did a study showing how just the threat of gossip could encourage people to be nicer. About 300 participants played an economic trust game online using raffle tickets that will be entered for a $50 drawing. They knew that they were going to be talked about if they didn’t play fairly. This made all of the participants to become more generous.

Another study that happened was Bianca Beersma, an associate of work psychology, and Gerban van Kleef, a professor of social psychology, told a group of people that they were randomly picked to distribute 100 lottery tickets with a cash prize. They had a choice to be generous and give away the tickets or keep it all to themselves. Half the time, the participant was told the choice would be kept private and no one would know. The rest of the time, the decision would be publicized in the group. At the private time, these people were being more selfish and kept most of the lottery tickets, but when it became publicized , they became less selfish. They knew that people would gossip about them, so they started doing more of the right thing.

According to this website http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sideways-view/201311/gossip-is-good-you, it says that sharing gossip builds and secures bonds and it can be influential to others. Gossip is also the way corporate cultures are established and maintained. It sometimes is a social norm in certain cultures and it can let off team, anger, or stress. So is gossip good for you? A little bit, depending on what angle you’re looking at it.

我觉得不是只有女生之间友情脆弱,男生也一样的。以前混的不如自己的人一下事业突飞猛进了,或者运气开挂了找了个特别漂亮优秀的老婆,我觉得男生一个个照样嫉妒的和什么似的。

特别隐私的东西就不要跟别人说了, 女生友谊是很脆弱的,天性吧

我和你差不多的类型

喜欢在别人面前透露别人的隐私或者一些秘密的,绝对不值得交往,不定哪天也会把自己的一些事情告诉给别人

把自己的内心锻炼得强大些,不需要这样的朋友