Kissing Women And Using Humor
Mar 17 2005
QUESTION FROM A READER
Hey Dave!
I have a question about something I read
in your mailbag previously that really stood out to
me. It was the one about the guy who said “Can I kiss
you” to a woman that was getting out of the car as
he dropped her off. I thought saying “Can I kiss you?”
was wussified behavior? That didn
Approaching Women, Asking Them Out, Attraction
Mar 21 2005
QUESTION
whatsup dr dave,
let me start out by saying you are my savior. ive
been getting your newsletters for about a month now,
and WOW! thank you. my question is: i work in a restaurant.
needless to say there are quite a few 8s,9s and even
a few 10s working there. approaching and talking
to them is not a problem. but i feel i should be
careful when asking one of them to join me for beer
after work. i dont want to bring any feelings of
uncomfortableness between us (if shes not interested).
what would you recommend i do and what should i say?
t
indy
>>>MY COMMENTS:
The first thing to remember is that when you “ask
a woman out”, you IMMEDIATELY start a whole chain
of mental and emotional events for a woman.
She has to decide if she “likes you” and if there
could ever be anything between the two of you… and
if she’s thirsty and interested in free beer.
You get my drift.
Women know when you’re asking them “out out”, as in
you’re asking them because you have a “romantic interest”.
Guess what?
When you do this it ALSO puts the woman in the driver’s
seat in the situation, because she instantly realizes
that she has something you want. Have you ever heard
of “wanting it tax”? It’s when the price goes up the
more you want it.
Now, as you probably know, I don’t generally think
that it’s such a great idea to date women you WORK
with, because you never know what’s going to happen,
and the last thing you need is losing your job or
having to work for hours at a time in an uncomfortable
situation.
And besides, attractive women usually have attractive
FRIENDS, and if you’re cool, the women you work with
can lead to an endless supply of dates. Think it over.
You might want to think of it as a goose that lays
golden eggs.
Even though I don’t advise dating women you work with,
I still want to address your basic question of asking
a woman out without creating discomfort…
Remember, most guys do the exact same things. They
start talking to a woman, then say “Hey, can I take
you out sometime?” or “Do you have a boyfriend?”.
This stuff is HORRIBLE.
It does exactly the wrong thing. It makes you look
like a wuss boy that needs a girlfriend. And if she’s
not interested (which she probably won’t be), then
it WILL create some discomfort in the future.
MUCH BETTER TO TEST FIRST, THEN TAKE A SMALL
STEP.
If it’s a woman you know, tease her, bust on her,
and generally act like you don’t care. Make a comment
about her and walk away. Be Cocky & Funny when you’re
with her, and don’t be boring.
Then, if she’s responding positively (laughing, hitting
you, telling you that you’re a pain, etc.), then say
“Hey, do you have email?”
If she does, have her write it down, then say “Bye”.
From a MAN’S perspective this might not seem any different
than just asking a woman out.
But from the WOMAN’S perspective it’s VERY different.
First of all, you’ve never shown her any romantic
interest, which doesn’t give up your power in the
situation, and hand it all to her.
Second, instead of putting “dating” pressure on her,
you’ve only asked her for her email address (and maybe
her number as well).
But you HAVEN’T asked her on a date, you HAVEN’T created
any kinds of weird vibes in the air, and you HAVE
made her wonder what you have in mind.
It’s powerful, think about it.
[ 编辑者 gogatsu 于日期 23Mar05 ]
QUESTION FROM A WOMAN
Hey There,
Ok So I am a butch lesbian who has recently subscribed
to your mailbag. Ok I am totally fascinated by you
and what u have to say. I am planning on getting
your book next week actually. I have used your tips
about getting the phone numbers by asking the girl
if they have email. Ok that works like a charm, i
haven’t yet not got a phone number. So Just to let
you know, you advice works for butch lesbians too!
ok but here is my prob. I met this girl and i got
her email addy, phone number and s/n. Well I didn’t
want to be like everyone else and call her so i sent
her an instant message. Well finally she wanted to
call me. My response was I hope your not a stalker,
trying to be funny and cute. Well she called and we
talked forever, i couldn’t get the girl off the phone.
Now she calls me like 5 times a day. She really likes
me, she has admitted it and she broke up with her g/f
so she could see where things go with me. I like her
a lot and i want to see where things go, but her ex
is a threat to me and her ex might want her back. I’ve
also made the mistake of telling her i like her, so
i’m thinking she may become “in control.” My question
is what do I do next? Meaning how do i get that control
back, do i continue acting like i want her, or should
i talk about other girls? Also what about the ex? do
i make it a threat or what. Also she is jealous b/c
her best friend also likes me. Anyways, any advice u
may have for me, i would appreciate it.
Much Appreciation
CNS
Georgia
>>>MY COMMENTS:
This is great.
You know, if I PAID people to write this stuff it
couldn’t possibly be this good.
I have this secret lesbian fan base that only breaks
the silence occasionally when the situation gets really
critical. Love it.
OK, here are a couple of thoughts:
1) If she has an ex who’s in the picture, keep your
distance and make her pursue you.
I have PERSONALLY made the mistake of acting CLINGY
when an ex turns up in the picture and tries to get
a woman back.
It’s generally not a good idea.
The best thing you can do is what you’re already doing…
tease her and let her pursue YOU.
If she’s busy pursuing you, she’ll be thinking about
you, wondering what you’re doing, wondering why you’re
so busy, etc. and won’t have the attention for the
ex.
On the other hand, if you start pursuing HER, then
she’ll have to “decide between which one she wants”.
Not a good position to put yourself in. And it’s MUCH
less interesting for her as well.
2) If her friend also likes you, that can be a GOOD
thing.
Jealousy is a very interesting emotion.
It’s not something you want to use to manipulate another
person, but if the situation creates it naturally,
that’s another thing entirely.
If you have someone who is interested in you, and
that person knows that others are also interested,
it only makes them like you more.
…You know, someday I’m going to have to do a Double
Your Dating LESBIAN SUMMIT, so I can be stuck in some
resort somewhere with 100 lesbian women who need dating
advice.
I would have to say something male and insensitive
like that, wouldn’t I?
QUESTION
David,
I’ve been reading your weekly newsletters, and I decided
to take the plunge and get your online book.
It’s got some great information, and some tips that
I haven’t thought of. I found myself already doing
a lot of things covered, and I guess I’m pretty pleased
that I needed much less training than I thought I
did.
But I do have this question, and it’s not covered
in your books, and it continues to stump me. I’ve
added a bit of extraneous information, so you have
a good picture of what happens.
A quick note of background, I was raised by my mother,
and like many men like that, I can be pretty effeminate.
Frankly, most of the time, that isn’t a problem as
I have found, more often than not, as long as you’re
confident, girls will just go on; if anything, it
confuses the hell out of them, because it’s very easy
for me to play the friend role in the coffee shop,
while also flirting with them. In fact, it’s very
disarming (and it allows me a greater understanding
of girls than most guys have, and has helped me quite
a lot.)
Usually (but not always) girls I meet are off the
internet, and what happens every single time is this:
I meet them and then within three to five hours they’re
in my bed, or we’re in my car making out. Some of
this is due to confidence, some because of the cocky/funny
thing, some of this is because I am disarming and
I make them feel relaxed. I don’t have sex with them,
I’m a virgin, it’s just a personal choice, and I will
add that all the girls I’ve ever been with except
for one were not virgins, and in two or three occasions,
I’ve had to refuse a hard sex sell.
So after we’re done making out, I take them home,
everything seems fine.
Then the next day, they don’t want anything to do
with me. They do want to be friends (most of the time)
but they don’t really even want to talk to me on the
phone or see me in person again. They definitely don’t
want to date again.
Sometimes I get a reason why (only once or twice has
that reason been “we’re moving too fast” or its variant
“I’m really confused and I don’t know what to do.”)
One time I got the response that I’m “too different”
another time, in a situation which happened with a
girl who lived out of state, and therefore I really
wasn’t trying to date, I later found out that I made
her “feel dirty.” The answers are all different, and
yet they (usually) seem to have a universal confusion
that binds them.
And for the most part, I’m hard wired for a long term
relationship, so this is all depressing to me that
I’m essentially having lots of little one night stands.
I’ve theorized that it may be because I’m moving too
fast, but is that concept real? Is it because I lead
them on so much and then I finally refuse them?
Your book is entirely about seducing them, and I’m
successful doing that; but for some reason, we part,
they go back and think about things for a bit, and
I can’t do it a second time because they want very
little to do with me. (It happens quickly too…I’ve
woken up to emails saying “I’m sorry to tell you
this…but…”)
Anyway, your thoughts are appreciated,
J
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Wow, yea… I really feel your pain.
You’ve learned how to make women want to make out
with you and have sex within a few hours of meeting…
BUT YOU’RE NOT INTERESTED IN SEX… and then they
don’t call you back.
Will someone please give this guy a medal for dumbest
question of all time?
I think you might want to go read some “Mars and Venus”
books or something. Try buying women things, or maybe
paying for lots of dinners or something.
lol… I think you’re going to figure it all out.
QUESTION
Hello Dave, This is T., I just ordered and received
your CD’s and I’m ready to roll, I just want to let
you know my current situation, not once have i dated
someone who I was really attracted to, clicked with,
and who was emotionally stable, I’m 27 years old and
all my friends are dating descent looking women and
moving on in their relationships, They tried setting
me up with a few people, but they were all nasty looking,
and they tell me that i’m very picky and that i should
learn to “like someone for who they are” which i think
is pure bullsh**, to me, attraction is very important
or else i can’t date the person, I know I’m a good-looking
guy and I can do just as good and better once I gain
the tools from your CD’s, I have a problem with being
“nice,” instead of cocky, ball-busting, and mysterious,
like all my other friends, the few girls that i’ve
dated that i found attractive always stopped calling
me and I simply don’t know why, i simply don’t have
the positive qualities that the “jerk” has, i simply
don’t know how to approach someone who’s attractive
and carry on a good conversation, will the cd’s turn
all that around for me? hope this email isn’t too long,
if it is, i’ll keep it shorter next time.
>>>MY COMMENTS:
The short answer is: YES. DEFINITELY.
By the way, WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING SAYING:
“…hope this email isn’t too long, if it is, i’ll
keep it shorter next time…”
That’s WUSSY TALK.
Are you with me?
Next time you write me, and you think your email might
be a little too long, say “If this email is too long
for you to include in your newsletter, let me know
and I’ll edit it”.
Don’t say things like “hope this email isn’t too long”.
Subtle things communicate so much.
EVICT THE INNER WUSSY!
QUESTION
David, I have used your C&F stuff with amazing success,
but theres one area of difficulty I have encountered.
I’m a freshman in college and I talk to A LOT of girls.
Almost all of the girls ive talked to are very nice
and seem very interested and love the C&F attitude.
I get their Aol Instant Messenger names and their
e-mails and all but the problem is that some of them,
even though they had a fun time talking with me and
they spent a lot of time with me initially, they block
me and ignore me and I dont understand why. I’ve asked
ALL of them why but they dont respond to me and they
look at me weird and shyly. But I say and do the
same thing with them as I do with others who dont
block me and who just completely love me. I just
don’t get it. I thought that maybe I intimidated them
or something. Help me David Help Meee!!!
-c
(btw your stuff is incredible…I have 10x the confidence
and ability to get dates with women than I ever had
in the past, thanks man!)
>>>MY COMMENTS:
lol… calm down. You’re making me nervous.
You sound like you need to chill out and relax.
If you’re getting BLOCKED on instant messenger, then
you’re probably being just a TAD too pushy with these
women.
Lean back.
Tease.
Make a comment online, then say “I have to run”…
Don’t act like you want her attention.
RELAX.
And did I mention that you need to RELAX?
Did you hear the story about the old bull and the
young bull standing on the hill?
The young bull says “Hey let’s RUN down there and
have sex with one of them cows!”
Old bull looks at him and says “Let’s WALK down there
and have sex with ALL of them.”
Ponder. Reflect. Repeat.
QUESTION
Let me preface this by saying that I agree 100% with
your ideas. I realized the cocky and funny principles
in high school, when I noticed a good friend got laid
constantly because he just naturally had that routine
down. He always laughed about it - the less he appeared
to care about getting laid, the more he got laid.
Pure magic.
But I’m just curious if there are women who are actually
turned off by the cocky and funny routine. I’ve always
liked smart, nerdy girls - the librarian archetype -
and I’m a little leery that these women might not
be so impressed with the C&F. Nobody likes a wuss,
of course, but I’m wondering about the women who aren’t
so easily manipulated. How about some failure stories?
When doesn’t this stuff work so well, and are there
things to watch for to keep from going too far with
it?
>>>MY COMMENTS:
First of all, Cocky & Funny isn’t a super-secret,
covert manipulation tactic. It’s a way of flirting,
teasing, and interacting with women that they enjoy.
Second, I’ve found that the only women who DON’T respond
well to it are women who are UPTIGHT, women who aren’t
at all interested, or overly SHY women who are intimidated
(in which case you can usually just tone it down and
have fun with them too).
That’s my personal experience.
Smart, nerdy girls like the ones you’re attracted
to (I’m glad you have that market cornered, by the
way) should LOVE to spar with you and will probably
LOVE your Cocky & Funny attitude. Keep it intellectual.
There will ALWAYS be situations in life when things
don’t work for you.
Tiger woods screws up a lot of shots, and he’s the
best in the world at golf.
Michael Jordan misses a lot of shots, and he’s the
best in the world at BBall.
We don’t live in an ideal testing lab, we live in
reality.
Don’t worry about what won’t work, and find what will.
The thing to watch for to keep from going too far
with Cocky & Funny is a woman getting VISIBLY ANGRY
or asking you to leave. If that happens, walk away.
QUESTION
Hi I have a 2" of beard and I wanted to ask would
your e-book help a guy with beard in the same way
as any other guy, even though I keep it well groomed.
Thanks
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Yes, gentle reader, this is a real question from a
real person.
My answer:
No. This stuff will absolutely not work for you.
I’d recommend that you trim the beard to one and seven
eighths inches, and keep it slightly less well groomed.
That should do the trick, and all of my concepts will
then work for you.
Don’t act like you want her attention.
hem... playing hard to get huh?
COMMENT FROM A WOMAN
Hey Dave,
Gotta tell you first of all that I’m a girl and accidentally
was subscribed to your newsletter by a well meaning
‘friend’. I found it interesting reading about how
guys are so hung up on attracting women, going on
dates and stuff. Do forgive me I have not read your
ebook Double your dating stuff, no offence, it’s just
that I’m married with kids and dating other men (apart
from my husband) is not something I’d be thrilled
about.
Anyway, I just wanted to comment on some stuff I read
in your newsletter. Here’s your first hand girlie response.
It is NOT true that "once you’re in a “NO” category
it’s hard to get out no matter how good your game
is. Personally there were a few guys that I’ve assigned
to a NO category at first and ended up dating later,
my husband being one of them. Most of my girl friends
would tell you the same. And it doesn’t matter what
kind of characteristic would send a guy into the NO
category - too young, too old, too skinny, too short,
too poor, big nose, big ears, too boring, too depressing,
etc etc etc you name it. None of it matters, at least
it never mattered for me, no matter how much I tried
to make myself think rationally. It all depends on
how manly you are. And different women have different
ideas on that, if you match most of those or at least
some, it doesn’t matter if she put you in the No category
at first. Women change their mind often, as you probably
have noticed. While writing this email to you I’ve changed
my mind at least 3 times as to whether I should send
it or not. LOL. One last thing - having a lot of women
in your life is not a very noble purpose for a man’s
life. Being a better person and a better man is, and
if you manage to make it a priority in your life, then
beautiful, intelligent and lovable women will be all
over you in an instant. At least I find it true in my
life and in the life of my friends all over the world.
R
VL
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Again, I couldn’t have paid someone to write something
better.
NOTICE TO ALL MEN
If you want to attract a WIFE AND KIDS, and you want
a woman who changes her mind three times before even
FINISHING an email, then take the above advice.
My favorite:
“Having a lot of women in your life is not a very
noble purpose for a man’s life.”
Yea, you’re right.
Having a lot of women in your life SUCKS when you’re
a man.
Thanks for your email.
QUESTION
Dave, I have your ebook and your Advance Audio CDs
and my success with women has dramatically increased.
I used to get nervous around attractive women and
would act like a complete wuss. Now I am able to remain
confident and in control, and sometimes I notice women
blush or act nervous when I talk to them.
My problem comes when I am having a conversation with
a woman. It seems like I am only able to talk about
relatively boring things like, “how’s school going?”,
“what did you do last weekend?”, etc… It is hard
for me to incorporate the C&F attitude when I am not
in that fun, easy going state of mind. I can never
think of anything that I could bust her balls on.
If I am in the right setting and atmosphere, like
at a party, it is easier for me to pull off the C&F
attitude all night. I do notice that once I make a
comment that gets a woman to laugh, it’s all good
from that moment on. What kind of C&F comments can
I make when first meeting a woman to get into the
flow of things? Should I focus on her physical attributes
or something else when making that first C&F comment?
Thanks
MP
Louisville, KY
>>>MY COMMENTS:
The FIRST thing you need to do is LISTEN TO THE CD
PROGRAM AGAIN.
It’s more important that you just RELAX and get rid
of your INSECURITIES than ANYTHING ELSE!
Cocky & Funny is important, but it’s MORE important
that you practice the body language and voice tone
exercises in that program, and you learn how to project
the types of beliefs and self image that attracts
women.
Don’t worry as much about the techniques.
The body language and attitude are FAR more important
for you at this stage.
QUESTION
Dave,
You are the man!!! I have been receiving your newsletters
for about 4 months now, and plan to get your book
as soon as I get some legal issues taken care of.
I gotta say that your stuff works wonders. Here is
my example; I was at the laundromat earlier today,
and I just happened to run across a girl I went to
High School with. I have changed a lot since the,
and she didn’t recognize me. I couldn’t resist the
temptation …this was a girl who blow me off back
then. I walked up to her and started talking. Nothing
much, busting on her for coming in with her mom …
“You still living with Mommy I see.” Stuff like that.
So, after a few minutes, I tell her I have to go finish
up my clothes. I walk away without saying a word.
While I’m standing there folding my clothes, I glance
up a few times and watch her looking at me. Every
time I look up, I give her this sly little half-cocked
grin and she jerks her head away. I finish up and
go to leave, giving her only that little grin as I’m
going, and walk out to my car. Right before I start
the car, she’s running out with a slip of paper in
her hand. Its her number. Like I said before, this
was a girl who wouldn’t even look my way 4 years ago.
Okay now…here’s my question…Normally I couldn’t
approach a girl like I did this one. I get up to them,
say hi, then I freeze…once I can get into the
c&f routine its no problem…but a lot of times,
I find it hard to get into it…Got any pointers
for me?
FC
Kentucky
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Oh, I LOVE THIS STORY!
Don’t you wish you could turn back the hands of time
and have another chance with all those hot girls that
ran around your high school… the ones that wouldn’t
even look at you?
I’m pretending that I’m you right now, and it’s great.
To answer your question, don’t worry too much about
being Cocky & Funny when you first meet a girl that
you’ve never talked to… one that you’ve just approached.
The only thing you need to focus on is getting her
info so you can follow up later.
Use the 3 minute email/number technique, and don’t
worry about being Cocky & Funny until you get together
with her next.
Trying to come up with cute lines when you first
meet a girl usually makes you self-conscious. Just
get her info!
QUESTION
Hi Dave,
I recently ordered your CD series and I have to
tell you that it was totally amazing. I am calling
it amazing due to the lack of words that can describe/praise
the series. I have had your book for about a year
now. When I got the book, it was a big eye opener
and I felt like taking the book and hitting myself
over the head with it {I used to be a big WUSS}.
I thought nothing could be better than that but you
proved me wrong by releasing the CD series which
is absolutely untouchable!
I have read your book many times and have heard
the CD series about five times. EVERYTIME I hear
it again I hear something that I failed to hear/note/realize
before. I have decided not to listen to any other
tape, CD or radio till I have this stuff so embedded
in my subconscious mind that it becomes second nature.
For this I would also like to make a suggestion to
all of the other readers. There is a saying: “IT IS
NOT ENOUGH TO LEARN YOU MUST BECOME”. I have realized
many times that I act and behave normal when I am
around friends Or women that I am not interested in.
BUT as soon as a hottie comes around, I try to switch
to the personality and character that you have taught
most of the times I succeed BUT there are many times
when it is hard to so SUDDENLY change. IF YOU STAY
IN THAT CHARACTER ALL THE TIME, YOU DON’T HAVE TO
WORRY ABOUT SWITCHING GEARS. OVER THE PERIOD OF TIME
IT WILL BECOME YOUR REAL CHARACTER AND SECOND NATURE
IT WILL ALSO GET YOU MORE RESPECT FROM FAMILY AND
FRIENDS.
I also realized that BODY LANGUAGE is 93 or better
percentage of the communication. BUT have not seen
you RECOMMEND A BOOK ON BODY LANGUAGE. I went to the
library and Borders and found a lot of books in fact,
too many! Can you suggest a couple on Body language?
Thanks in advance.
Thanks!
PG
Ohio
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Thanks for your email.
I love it when I hear from guys who are taking action,
and getting this part of their lives together!
Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to find ANY books
about body language that I consider to be GREAT.
And worse, most of the books I’ve read about body
language teach you NOTHING useful about ATTRACTION.
You might check out some books on body language at
that bookstore…
But unless you understand all the things you’ve learned
from my Advanced Series, it won’t all make very much
sense.
Some technics are really odd
technics???
what do you mean by technics?
o my english…
new “Cocky Comedy” program…
Mar 23 2005
The Secret Behind The Secret
Well, after using this technique for a few years, and writing about it quite a bit… I kept asking myself the universal question…
WHY?
Why did it work?
At first I thought Cocky Comedy worked because it showed a woman that you weren’t intimidated by her, and that you could make her laugh… and she would be attracted to those qualities.
And, in fact, this answer is TRUE.
But there’s more to the story.
Quite a bit more, actually…
You might already know that I have an interest in psychology and behavior… and, by complete chance, in one of the books I was reading I stumbled upon a tiny piece of information that gave me a HUGE “AH HA!”
I was reading about how laughter evolved over time in people, and how the process works…
The thing that got my attention was the idea that laughter wasn’t usually triggered by things that are FUNNY.
Say what?
Think about it.
When people laugh, they’re not usually laughing in response to a joke.
People laugh for an entirely DIFFERENT reason…
Most of the time, when a person laughs, it’s an UNCONSCIOUS way of saying “I like you, and I’d like you to like me”. It’s a SOCIAL BONDING tool.
Then I saw a TV program about laughter.
It REALLY blew my mind…
On the program they talked about the fact that people almost never laugh when they’re alone… and that if a man and woman are together you can predict if they’re going to get together by the type of laughter that goes on between them.
Even more mind-blowing.
Well, after getting into it more, I discovered that people almost ALWAYS laugh when they want other people to like and approve of them… and only RARELY do they laugh in response to a joke or something funny.
This is why people start laughing at stupid things like a comment about the weather… or even FOR NO REASON AT ALL…
Some funny stories from test testimonials on his Advanced Series
" Just wanted you to know how your DVD program changed my life. I’m 45, 5’8" and weigh 179 lbs. I met this beautiful 29 yr. old 6’2" 9.5 model . It’s amazing how just using your “let’s be friends, if nothing else” technique worked like a charm on this very beautiful girl. After I invited her to see me at a local Starbucks Cafe I immediately started busting on her over her height. We were sitting down drinking some coffee when I grabbed her had gently and told her to kneel down on the floor so I could have eye contact and tell her something important. She went along my Cocky & Funny attitude. Then I told her “who knows, you might make a good friend but please get off up the floor and stop proposing to me”. “Your making me feel really uncomfortable in front of all these people and besides that I’m not an easy catch”. That did it from there, it just blew her mind out. She just started laughing and couldn’t stop. We been dating ever since. I left a lot of details out because this story would be too long. Your cost for your DVD program is like a dime in a bucket, when you realize that you get so much more in return. Thanks Dave.
- J.C., Puerto Rico"
" a literal beauty queen who had it all - six feet tall, drop-dead gorgeous, athletic, smart, great personality, you name it.
So I took her out. Easy enough - I told her if we closed a deal dinner and drinks were on me (it’s a good thing when you can write dates off on your tax returns). But while she was cool and all, I kept getting all these hints dropped about the rich old guys who take her on their boats or fly her to New York , blah, blah blah.
I let a couple of them slide, and finally the third time she let one go I got up and started looking under the table with a confused look on my face. And then finally I shrugged and muttered, “must have left it at home.”
“What are you looking for?” she asked.
“Your miner’s helmet. Y’know, the one you use when you’re digging for gold?”
She laughed like a fool. But then the conversation turned a little, and she admitted that a rich old guy to make her a trophy bride is pretty much what she’s looking for. I said, “Best of luck to you,” and pretty much tuned her out.
Now, I’m getting calls and e-mails from this girl all the time. I told her I’m more interested in her as a business client and that we should keep the relationship professional. But she’s all over me - she even came up, said hello and SAT DOWN AT THE TABLE for a while when I was on a date with another woman at a restaurant the other night. I introduced her as “my gold-digging friend.” She turned three different colors, but SHE DIDN’T LEAVE FOR A GOOD 10 MINUTES.
- S., Baton Rouge , LA"
" The information that I used in your Double Your Dating program has cost me my virginity! Serious. I’m 27 and up until I studied and practiced your stuff recently I never did the “horizontal tango”.
It happened in one of the best places…the Caribbean.
Around 9:30 a.m. our plane landed in the islands. After that we ventured out to a local bar and grill to get something to eat. While we were waiting for our food two beautiful (solid 9 out of 10) young ladies sat down near our table. They were Bahamian and exotically delicious to the eyes!
I waited until they got served their food and then started with a cocky and funny statement about it not being fair that they got their food before we did. When they started laughing I knew it was on. This went on for like 5 minutes and when there was a pause in the action I turned back around and started talking to my parents. I did this for 2 reasons: to act indifferent and leave them wanting more. And boy did they want it.
After we ate our food the waitress came over to us with the bill. I pointed to the two girls and said, “they’re paying for our table, too.” The girls and the waitress couldn’t stop laughing. As we got up to leave I turned to them and said, “you know…since I’m a tourist you two should show me around.” One said that she was going to be with her husband but the other one, the medical student, said she didn’t really have any plans. I got her number and busted on her about how long it took for her to write it down. I said, “what…are you writing a book?” Of course I also made sure it was her real number. They could not get enough and I couldn’t believe how much I was in control of the situation!
I called her that night and told her that I would be busy but that we could do something the following night. So at 8 p.m. the next evening she and another friend pick me up at the resort. I used cocky and funny talk on them all the way to the club we went to. At the club I walked away from them a few times, talked to other girls, and acted like I was “the catch”.
We left a couple hours later and my date dropped off her friend. When we got back to my resort I told her that we could walk around and talk a little if she wanted. She said yes and we had stimulating conversation up until 4 a.m. at which time I said it was time for her to go home. I could tell she didn’t want to. We kissed and got a little intimate touching going on. Then I said goodnight. I felt it was good to show that I could “take it or leave it”.
I didn’t call her for 3 days but she was calling me every single day! I wanted to give her the “gift of missing me”…another one of the techniques you discuss in your program. It was obvious that her anticipation and sexual tension were running high at this point. After day three we got together at the resort and had more stimulating conversation. We walked along the beach and as evening came let me tell you…it was beautiful. We ended up in my room, watched a little tv and afterwards had wild sex for hours. It was absolute paradise.
Guys…if I can do it then just about anyone can. I’m 5’5, skinny, mixed nationality and don’t make much money. I’ve been unlucky when women my whole life. The key points to remember from my story are: act indifferent, stay in control, be interesting, and most of all…learn to be comfortable with yourself.
- Q.B., Columbia , SC "
Will She Be A FRIEND OR A LOVER?
Mar 25 2005
QUESTION FROM A READER
Hi Dave,
One night when this girl and I
were out pubbing and clubbing and battling each other
with our wits and building lots of tension, she opened up a bit and told me that she had
never met anyone like me and that I was cool. I just told her that her compliments and
looking at me like a piece of meat wasn’t going to
get her anywhere - she’s a great friend! By the end
of the night she was asking me the odds of us having
sex within the next few weeks. Now here’s where I’ve
got to hold my hands up and risk your written wrath.
I’m a virgin and even though
I fancy her like mad, I know at present I couldn’t
satisfy a woman like that (limiting belief I know,
but true!) I haven’t got the skill yet and then I
realised that I had failed to plan ahead. Damn.
And I could hardly turn around and say “Hey, I’m a
virgin wuss who has never had sex! Teach me?”
Instead, as my answer I just smirked a little in a
poor attempt to look composed but I wasted a big
opportunity to amplify what was there; instead I
just dissipated all the tension by being a prick.
She appeared to let me off though and the next few
weeks were a C+F fun-fest again. I still played it
cool, no chasing, no clinging, no insecurity. Then
our mutual friends started telling me to ask her for
more. Even her best female friend said that we
should be together because we get on so well. I
remembered an email you sent saying that if you meet
someone you REALLY like then sometime you’re going
to have to take the chance and tell them. So when
we were alone at another party a couple of weeks later,
I told her that we should get together. Here’s the
messed up part: she said that I was the best guy
she’d ever met and that she didn’t want to enter
a relationship with me because every guy she has
ever gone out with she’s ended up hurting. She said
that she never wanted to hurt me and wanted to know
me forever. And that if we stayed best friends
forever, without complications, we would have something
great for life and not a quick fling followed by
never talking again. She also said that she loved
the way that I stand up to her and don’t kiss her
ass like most other guys. So, a lot of tears later
(from her), hugs, kisses and plenty of apologies
and I was left to wonder if my one error of sexual
wussiness had cost me in the worst possible way. I
believe this to be true because I know that if a woman
feels attraction for a man, then nothing else matters.
Her friendship logic wouldn’t matter if she “felt it”
for me would it? I’m so pissed off at myself for
messing up (always been a perfectionist, have to get
everything right first time!) However, she has
surprised me in that she hasn’t run for the hills -
she must’ve meant what she said. Reason being because
not only are we still hanging out, but she sent me
a Valentines card (I sent her nothing) and just last
week invited me over to her place alone where she
cooked for me.
I’m at a complete loss. I like her a hell
of a lot and am really fighting the wuss urge. I
still bust on her, we still flirt, I don’t call her a
s much as she calls me and I haven’t shared any
feelings with her since that night. I’m trying to
stay cool man!
I have two questions:
1) Is there any hope of turning this around? I know
I should move on but how long will it take me to find
another really exceptional woman that I get on so
well with? It seems like I’m so close but just haven’t
quite got the skill to haul myself over the finish
line and it’s very frustrating! 2) Where can I get
a good education on how to make love to a woman?
This is my final concern with women, I believe. And
when the time comes, should I admit my lack of inexperience?
(No amount of theory can make up for lack of practice!)
Cheers Dave, without your teachings I would never,
ever have gotten this far.
M, United Kingdom.
P.s. She did your pocket a favour by turning me down
- it prompted me to buy the CD series. In the long
run, I guess she did me a favour too: it’s awesome
so far. End of blatant plug
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Well, first of all I want to CONGRATULATE you on
a great job with this girl.
You did all the right things, and you’ve obviously
paid attention to what you’ve learned. I have a lot
of respect for you for both DOING SOMETHING to improve
yourself, and for getting out there and using the
materials.
You should be congratulating yourself, not beating
yourself up.
I’M the one who gives the verbal beatings here,
not you, remember?
I think the real problem you’re running into here
is that you’ve put too much importance on this one
situation, and by doing that you’ve created “tunnel
vision” for yourself. I’m sure you’ve heard me talk
about this a lot.
From now on, don’t get so hung up on a particular
woman that you’re not even “technically” involved
with. It’s asking for emotional trouble… and it’s
a pain.
So let’s talk about this particular situation…
I’d like to share with you a thought to set this
up. It’s a thought that might not go over so well
with a lot of people (especially women). But I believe
it to be true, so I’m going to put it out there.
Remember, this is a generalization, and not a cold,
hard fact… it’s true MOST of the time. You have
to use your own judgment in each situation.’
Now that the disclaimer is over, here’s the deal:
If you meet a woman (especially a sharp, attractive
woman who’s intelligent), and you start doing all
of those wonderful things that spark and amplify the
ATTRACTION present in the situation, you must KEEP
MOVING FORWARD, or you’ll lose everything you’ve built.
What I’m trying to say is that if you don’t take
things to a physical level quickly after creating
all of this sexual tension, it will eventually go
away, and you’ll be left with just “friend” material.
I know that you’ve never been with a woman sexually,
so I can understand why you hesitated. But you must
still remember what I said.
The rule of thumb is: If you’re going to spark
and amplify attraction with a woman, you need to continue
on to the next level SOON… or you’re going to probably
lose it.
When you just tease a woman, bust on her, get her
all wired up and excited about you… then DON’T MOVE
FORWARD PHYSICALLY, it’s a let down.
Basically, the woman you’re with has a first impression
of you that says “This guy is sexy and attractive”,
but when you don’t continue forward on a physical
level, she starts to think “Uh Oh, he’s either not
interested in me ‘in that way’, he’s gay, or he’s
seeing someone else” etc.
If you want to be “friends” with a woman, it’s
easy. Don’t do anything.
If you don’t make any “moves”, don’t try to kiss
her, and don’t confidently lead in a physical way,
a woman will only think of you as a “friend”.
Even if there is attraction based on personality,
it’s going to disappear if you don’t cross over into
the physical realm.
98% of the time, she’s NOT going to be the one
to make the first moves… it’s just not going to
happen. YOU have to do it.
The real keys are:
1) Knowing WHAT to do to proceed in each situation
2) Knowing WHEN to proceed in each situation
3) Knowing HOW to proceed in each situation… in
a way that is smooth and natural… and that doesn’t
get you “rejected”
You have the benefit of having my eBook and my
Advanced Dating Techniques Program. I recommend that
you check out the bonus booklet that came with Double
Your Dating called “Sex Secrets”, and use that
material IMMEDIATELY.
Also, you’ll learn a lot of great ideas in the
last few discs of my Advanced Series.
But let me cover a few basics here.
First of all, it’s OK that you’re a virgin.
It’s no big deal. You’re making it into something
bigger than it is by freaking out about it.
I’ll break the news to you:
SHE ONLY CARES HOW SHE FEELS, NOT WHAT YOUR
PAST SEXUAL EXPERIENCE IS.
If you can make her FEEL good, game over.
You’re obviously a guy who can pay attention and
learn things. Spend a day at the bookstore, and go
to the “sexuality” section. Read for awhile. You’ll
learn everything you need to know to get past your
“first time” just fine.
And by the way, if you run into a problem… like
“performance anxiety” or nervousness, or just being
uncomfortable being naked around a woman… that’s
OK too. If you ever reach a point that starts to freak
you out too much, just lean back and stop for a little
while. One of the GREAT things about the process of
getting a woman turned on is that it’s much more powerful
for her if you DO stop and start… move two steps
forward, and one step back.
You don’t need to say “Hey, I realize that we’re
both naked in bed here and we should be making love,
but I’m a virgin… and on top of that I can’t get
it up”. No no nooooo…
Just kick back. If you have to, just call it a
night.
The KEY is that you have to at least PROGRESS physically
with her. Explained differently, you don’t necessarily
have to go “all the way”, but you do have to get pretty
far down the field… and keep going a little farther
each time… if you want to keep the attraction building.
I have another secret to share with you…
Most guys suck in bed. And I don’t mean that in
a good way. And no, I’m not talking from experience.
I have known, interviewed, and gotten emails from
a lot of women. I know the deal. Most women are not
very happy about what happens in the bedroom.
If you do just the things I’ve laid out for you
in the ebook and Advanced Series, and then you totally
blow it and are the worst lover the world has ever
known, she’ll still have a GREAT experience with you…
because MOST of it will have been fantastic for her.
Using the physical techniques, ways of touching,
ways of getting her physically turned on and amplifying
her arousal that you’ve learned in the materials will
get a woman so turned on that just about ANY kind
of sexual interaction will be fine with her.
lol… and by the way, the next time a woman looks
at you and asks “What do you think the odds of us
having sex within the next few weeks are?”, you need
to look her right in the eye and say:
“Sex? Hell, I don’t even know if you know how to kiss.”
…then lean over and kiss her.
When you’re finished, pull away (you stop the kiss
before she does), look back at her, and say:
“Hm, I’ll have to get back to you about the sex part.”
now, damn it. is anybody still reading this stuff?
if you read it. leave a note here!
must go now, but l’ come back later, dating , what a subject…